Me First!

2007-10-21T05:14:00.001-07:00

A good reason to move to North Carolina:

This is what my new hometown looks like every morning.

2007-09-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

Holy shit!

If there's any justice in the world, this would be national news, and the Champaign County State's Attorney's office and courthouse would be exposed as a safe haven for drunk drivers, felony fleeing-the-scene NCAA Division I basketball players, and bicyclist runner-overs.

Judge Klaus said that there was "sufficient evidence" to support Davis’ defense; why weren’t Ninomiya or Carlson charged with an offense related to "plying" Davis (a minor) with vodka (or sexual assault, for that matter)? Why are there no pending cases addressing Davis’ underage drinking (an infraction which could cause her to lose her driving privileges)? Armed with a .20 BAC, I’m sure that Ms. Davis decided to drive blitzed halfway across town after thinking hard about her choices. Is anyone related to this case going to be held responsible for any damages or criminal behavior? The way the State’s Attorney handled cases like this one, Jamar Smith’s, and the girl who killed Matt Wilhelm while downloading a ringtone should make anyone nervous about being anywhere near a highway or parking lot in Champaign County. You blew a .20 leaving a bar in C-U? No problem! Just tell the nice judge that a big, scary person on foot was threatening to kill, beat, or molest you. Case dismissed!

If there's any consolation to this, it's that if you or anyone you love is cut in half by a drunk or distracted driver, the Champaign County State's Attorney's office will make sure that justice is well-served. I'm joking, of course. Good luck with that civil suit when no one is responsible.

I'm blogging again, so I must be pissed about this.

2007-03-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

So, you've been diagnosed with ADHD? Why'n'cha do something useful with it?

What was it I was gonna write about? Oh, yeah. This is an interesting article, but not nearly as interesting as it could've been had the writer ventured any guesses as to the reasons behind the threefold increase in the use of ADHD-related drugs since 1993.

Why is this a typical (hypothetical) statement from the parent of an ADHD kid, according to me:
"Little Billy divides his after-school time between World of Warcraft, Halo2, and Ghost Recon, then hits the internet for MySpace and IM updates until it's really too late for him to dig too deeply into his homework. Between my career, my Aerobi-Jazzer-Yoga-size classes, and my Botox treatments, I'm finding it difficult to provide the parenting that a special child like Billy requires."

...and not this?:
"Little Billy came home from school, took out the trash, changed the oil in both cars, did the previous night's dishes, mowed the lawn, painted the house, completed his homework, and still had time to call his friends before going to bed, completely exhausted."

Why does it seem that ADHD is normally used as an excuse for not getting something necessary done, instead of an explanation for why one has no leisure time? I'll make a prediction that when someone discovers the cure for cancer, he or she won't make a statement like, "Yeah! I painted the entire exterior of the house in two freakin' hours, spent another coupla hours volunteering at the local animal shelter, spent some time categorizing sale items at Goodwill, then discovered the cure for freakin' cancer!"

Parenting in a pill; how wonderful. I probably would've been diagnosed with ADHD when I was growing up had its discovery not mysteriously coincided with the introduction of more advanced video games and widespread availability of the internet, neither of which existed during my childhood years. The only distractions that I had growing up were a set of encyclopedias, a globe, an 8-track player, and a room decorated in the style of circa-1776 America, complete with cork ball musket. Well, that, and the knowledge that I would be well-disciplined by my parents or other authority figures if I did not do what I was supposed to do.

I'm not a doctor, and can't say that there aren't people with a genuine need for ADHD treatment. I don't mean to poke fun at anyone with a legitimate ADHD diagnosis. For all I know, full-blown ADHD could be a serious, debilitating affliction. I'm just proposing that the ADHD diagnosis (and who, really -by NIMH guidelines- couldn't be diagnosed with ADHD?) and treatment should not be used as an excuse for lack of parental interest or other poor parenting skills.

2007-03-06T00:47:00.000-08:00

Guh?

Should we be offering potential University of Illinois athletes a four-year plea deal (two years in state lockup/two years of probation) instead of a four-year scholarship?

Seriously. Are any of my tax dollars going to these scholarships, or does it all come from the I Fund? If taxes are funding the scholarships for these jokers, why do I also have to help pay to squeeze them through the legal system (law enforcement, court costs, corrections, etc.)?

2007-01-30T23:11:00.000-08:00

New, mostly unsatisfying motorcycle blog is up!

My new blog, Ninety-Nine Percenter, is up (the link's on the right). Not much posted at the moment, but there's a bit of my philosophy regarding motorcycles as well as a few photos. Anyone, biker or not, is free to chime in.

2007-01-29T19:22:00.000-08:00

The best songs and albums of 2006, at this particular moment…

Against my best wishes, someone traded a crack pipe for about 80 of my favorite CDs in a motel room in Oklahoma City last year. Yeah, I’m still bitter about it. Rather than shell out the bucks to buy replacements for everything that I lost (with the exception of a few key albums), I learned that I would need new, previously-unheard of by me music in order to survive. One album is 30 years old; most of these selections are a little obscure. If you wanna borrow ‘em, let me know!

Buckethead and Friends, Enter the Chicken (2005)
Buckethead is strange. He’s probably known best for his collaborations with Bill Laswell and Les Claypool. Ozzy was afraid that he’d show up for a gig to find a note from Buckethead saying he’d been "beamed up," which is why he didn’t hire him. He was released from Guns ‘n’ Roses for being unreliable and difficult for even his family to contact, which probably says very much. He’s capable of playing incredibly brutal music, but he’s capable of beautifully touching music as well. Enter the Chicken runs the full spectrum, from the aural pounding of "Nottingham Lace" to the moody softness of the Serj Tankian (System of a Down)/Shana Halligan (bitter:sweet) duet, "Waiting Here." Lots of loops, some occasionally unintelligible lyrics, but all highly listenable stuff.

Sufjan Stevens, Illinois (2005)
The side of the jewel case calls this album "Illinois," while the front (and Amazon.com) call it "Illinoise" (as in "Come on feel the..."). It seems to me more likely that an album would be titled "Illinois" rather than "Sufjan Stevens invites you to: Come on feel the Illinoise," as the front of the album invites you to do, so Illinois is what I'm calling it.

I listened to the hype surrounding this album for about half of 2006 without having heard one note from it. I don’t consider myself a music snob, but when modern arena rock heroes are groups along the lines of Matchbox 20, Blink 182, and Limp Bizkit, my mind tends to block out anything that alternative/college rock press tries to pound into it. I’ll admit that I was wrong and the press was right with the hype for this one. If I hadn’t seen the Austin City Limits with Sufjan, Shara Worden, and what appeared to be most of a full orchestra, I might’ve overlooked this album, too. This album is all beautiful stuff, from the orchestration to the occasionally wacky lyrics. Some of the orchestration reminds me of Zappa, which is a huge compliment from me; there’s much going on at a technical level that people who appreciate that aspect of Zappa’s compositions—or anyone—can appreciate. Even if one can’t quite geet into the music at face value, I think that almost anyone would agree that it’s composed and performed by one insanely talented individual.

Michael Andrews, Donnie Darko (2005, Music From the Original Motion Picture Score)
This is dark, moody, mostly-instrumental album from a mostly dark, moody movie. The movie itself makes me think profound thoughts about life, death, and sacrifice; falling asleep to the soundtrack makes me wake up midway through it, freaked out by a sinister sounding creak or other instrumental boink. There’s a beautiful remake of Tears For Fears "Mad World" at the end, which alone is worth the purchase price.

Paul Gilbert, Get Out Of My Yard (2006)
You’ve probably heard Paul Gilbert without realizing it. He was the guitarist for Mr.Big (remember "To Be With You"?). He’s spent a lot of time in Japan as an instructor, and has recorded several solo albums through the years. He’s always near the top of guitar player’s polls in the mags, and is known for being extremely fast and extremely accurate. This new instrumental album showcases his songwriting/arranging abilities, as well as his agility on the fretboard. Highlights are "Marine Layer," a sweet acoustic duet with his wife, Emi, on piano, and the bluesy-fusion of "Twelve Twelve" and "Rusty Old Boat." He also does more with a three-string guitar tribute to Eddie Van Halen than I could ever imagine pulling off with six strings and eight hands.

Television, Marquee Moon (1977, Marquee Moon)
I’m not really much into Lou Reed’s music, and groups like the Dolls don’t do anything for me. The fact that Mapplethorpe shot the cover for this album probably would’ve caused me to lump Television into the early ‘70s Warhol-ish/decadent/artsy New York scene had I not heard the title track on WPGU. Some obviously history-ignorant person posted a comment on Amazon that these guys were essentially Violent Femmes ripoffs. I’ll admit that I did think that Tom Verlaine sounds a bit like Gordon Gano, and thought this was a Femmes song when I first heard it. The song seems to fade to an ending twice; while discussing with a coworker whether or not they were going to name the artist on the radio, it "began" again (and they did announce it after it was over). I found a used copy at Exile on the day that I heard it; they’d just aquired it earlier that day (fate?). There’s some seriously cool guitar/bass slightly odd time interplay, which is true for the most part for the rest of the album. A lot of reviewers on the ‘net seem to think that this album would hold up well if it were released today. I agree.

Fiona Apple, Not About Love (2005, Extraordinary Machine)
I first heard this song on WPGU, and my first thought was, "This sounds like Fiona Apple, but I don’t like Fiona Apple." I have a newfound respect for her writing and performance after this track, buried near the end of the album. Piano is at the forefront of the mix, with some crazy, swirling stringy orchestral stabs throughout. For some reason, I picture film noir-ish black tie dance numbers when I hear it. Lyrics are typically Fiona Apple-ish (relationship-y), but with enough word-turning to keep things interesting. A small example:

The early cars
Already are
Drawing deep breaths past my door
And last night's phrases
Sick with lack of basis
Are still writhing on my floor

The Good Life, Album of the Year (2004, Album of the Year)
This song is like a movie about a failed relationship compressed into song form. Apparently, Tim Kasher (the singer/songwriter) was going through a nasty marital breakup as the songs for this album were written. We go from this:

The first time that I met her I was throwing up in the ladies room stall
She asked me if I needed anything, I said, "I think I spilled my drink."
And that’s how it started, or so I’d like to believe

The first time that I met her I was convinced that I had finally found the one
She was convinced I was under the influence of all those drunken romantics
I was reading Bronte at the time; I had Bukowski on my mind

(Note: Bonus points for the Bukowski reference!)

…to this, later in the song:

She said, "Space is not just the place for stars,
I gave you an inch, you want a house with a yard."
And I know she loved me once, but those days are done
She used to call me ever day from a pay phone on her break for lunch,
Just to say she can’t wait to come home.

Yikes. Very sad, but very beautiful, and not horribly bitter in the end. The music is well-written and listenable, too, with some cool REM-like guitar noodling throughout.

2006-10-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

When a doo-rag just won't doo.....

As promised, my new line of t-shirts is nearly complete. The first out of the sweatshop will be my "Gang Affiliation" line. If you're proud of whom you're down with, show the world! If your gang isn't "represented" here, drop me a line. Custom orders are possible on a case-by-case basis.

These will be followed by "Memories of Democracy." Here's a sneak preview of the first in that series:

Enjoy!!

2006-10-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

Run over and kill someone, go to ja...well, you might possibly be punished, anyway...

Recently, a 19-year-old Urbana woman made headlines after killing a cyclist on route 130 while downloading ringtones on her cell phone. After discovering that she was charged only with "improper lane usage," I was a bit irate, to say the least. As an occasional runner, cyclist, and motorcyclist, it seems plain wrong to me that someone can end the life of another human being through negligent, inattentive driving and not even face a license suspension. She entered a guilty plea a few weeks ago, and is to be sentenced on November 29th. The maximum sentence she can receive is a $1000.00 fine.

I calmed down a bit after reading Champaign County State’s Attorney Julia Rietz’s comments regarding the plea in the News-Gazette a few weeks ago. She stated that, with regard to her not charging the woman with reckless homicide or involuntary manslaughter, ""The mental state for (those crimes) is a willful and wanton disregard for the safety of others. And her actions here don't rise to that level. People drive negligently and cause accidents. Because accidents result in fatalities does not justify charging the driver with a felony." I, believe it or not, agree with this. Running over someone and depriving them of their life doesn’t necessarily require punishment in the form of years of unsolicited buggery in a state prison.

However…

Driving through a construction zone on I-57 last week, I noticed the signs which no one probably gives much thought to anymore; the signs that say "HIT A WORKER: $10,000 FINE / 14 YEARS." It struck me as extremely stupid that one could fly through a construction zone, missing all indications that they’re traveling through said zone, hit/kill a worker who is most likely expected to be dangerously close to the roadway, and be more liable or guilty of a higher crime than a person who drives over someone on route 130 while downloading a ringtone. Maybe I’m the only one who sees it this way (and admittedly, I don’t know offhand what charges one would face for killing someone in a construction zone), but this says to me that a driver must absolutely pay attention and obey the law in construction zones, but that attentiveness and responsibility are only "encouraged" on any other roadways. Why shouldn’t the penalties outside of a construction zone be as harsh? Why shouldn’t one, at least, lose their right to drive FOREVER in the state of Illinois if they’ve killed someone through negligent driving? Civil suits aside, is your husband/wife/child/mother/father/friend/etc. worth only $1,000—payable to the state of Illinois? When someone is killed through bad driving, do the bereaved find additional peace of mind in knowing that whoever killed their loved one is absolutely free to do it again?

State’s Attorney Rietz went on to say that, "Any time someone violates a traffic safety law or gives less than their full attention to safe driving, it's more likely an accident is going to result, but that is not recklessness under the law. That's negligence. If people disagree with the law as it is written, they should address their state legislators." I plan to do just that.

2006-09-28T19:47:00.002-07:00

Why all non-Republican candidates are doomed to fail on November 7th...

This insight, from some huckleberry who penned this letter to the editor in the September 19th issue of the News-Gazette:

"We love George W. Bush. May I please explain why most Democrats and so many people hate him. We are engaged in a great spiritual battle. We are at war, good versus evil. God against Satan. Christians against the fallen world.

George W. Bush is a born-again Christian. He is a great man of God. He will be remembered in history as one of our greatest presidents.

Unbelievers, people without God, do not understand. They do not have Jesus. They do not have the power of the Holy Spirit. They are void of understanding. Their lost condition and lack of knowledge manifest as hatred toward our great president."

I don't think that this letter, if intended to be satirical and/or to cause people to cringe at such a black and white assessment of either party, is going to work because I'm certain that there are quite a few people out there who believe the above to be true. A member of my family told me before the '04 elections that he couldn't possibly vote for a Democrat (though acknowledging the massive amount of civilian deaths in Iraq) because he "couldn't stand in front of Jesus with a clear conscience for having allowed a gay marriage amendment to pass or to keep abortion legal." This, from a man who knows no gay men or women nor has any relative who's ever opted for (or would ever opt for) an abortion. Try to reason with a person who can stand to see tens of thousands slaughtered but thinks that Jesus is going to send him down the black chute for not physically assaulting two men or women for kissing in public. This seems to be a typical attitude among Christian fundamentalists: Not in my back yard, and by "my back yard" I mean your back yard, your bedroom, your doctor's office, county, state, and nation--and to hell with any non-Christians who might happen to get in the way of our bullets. It's a sad thing to consider that many, many people are too stupid to realize, admit, or care that the goal of their Godly leaders is to turn the nation into a theocracy while feeding stock lines about "Islamo-fascism" as they continue to kiss the hind ends of the ruling class of the wealthiest Middle Eastern theocracy. The hands of one of these "great (men) of God" might be cupped around your ear as they whisper sweet nothings about your heavenly rewards for waging a Christian holy war, but the other will be in your pants, desparately digging for your wallet.

I may be in the minority on this, but I think I'll chose to continue to blindly believe in a loving God. Pardon me for possibly oversimplifying, but how many gay marriages are worth the life of 30,000 Iraqi civilians in God's eyes, do you suppose?

2006-09-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

This might be worth a chuckle…

…if it had happened in Mayberry in 1950, instead of happening today in New York state. New York (along with approximately 29 other states, according to an article in the NY Times) is apparently full of town "justices" with sub-high school educations, and a serious lack of the knowledge needed in order to determine right from wrong.

A snippet, from today's New York Times:

(snip)
An Essex County town justice, Richard H. Rock, jailed two 16-year-olds overnight without a trial, saying he wanted "to teach them a lesson." They had been accused of spitting at two other people and charged with harassment. Then he sent them back for 10 more days, the commission said, without ever advising them they had a right to a lawyer.

In 2001, the commission punished him and Justice Maclaughlin with censure, the most serious penalty short of removal from the bench. Justice Maclaughlin is now in his 11th year in office. Justice Rock is in his 10th.

In Alexandria Bay, where Justice Pennington presided at a metal desk in a tiny room inside the police building, a quarter-century in office did not seem to deepen his understanding of his role. Just three days after he took home the 17-year-old girl, another case raised fresh questions about his familiarity with the law, or even the world outside his court.

Eeric D. Bailey, a 21-year-old black soldier from nearby Fort Drum, was facing a disorderly conduct charge after a tussle with a white bar bouncer. Sitting three feet from Mr. Bailey, the bouncer identified him as "that colored man." Mr. Bailey’s jaw dropped.

The soldier, who did not have a lawyer, told the judge that the term was offensive. But Justice Pennington said that while certain other words were racist, "colored" was not. "For years we had no colored people here," he said.

The commission had heard worse. After arraigning three black defendants arrested in a college disturbance in 1994, a justice in the Finger Lakes region said in court, "Oh, it’s been a rough day — all those blacks in here." A few years before that, a Catskill justice reminisced in court that it was safe for young women to walk around "before the blacks and Puerto Ricans moved here."

In an interview, Justice Pennington said the commission had treated him unfairly. But he may not have helped his case when he told the commission that "colored" was an acceptable description.

"I mean, to me," he testified, "colored doesn’t preferably mean black. It could be an Indian, who’s red. It could be Chinese, who’s considered yellow."
(snip)

(Link lifted from www.thismodernworld.com)

2006-09-21T07:31:00.000-07:00

Just in case...

In order to keep my brain intact, I'm going to try to keep from posting politically until after the November elections. Shouldn't be too difficult; I've posted twice since May, after all.

Anyhoo, in case the GOP manages to maintain their lock on both the House and Senate in November following what will probably be the last free elections held in the U.S., let me just say this: I will welcome our fair and benevolent Republican overlords!

2006-09-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

"I can’t stands no more!" (apologies to The Simpson’s parody of Popeye)...

WARNING! SNOBBY POLITICAL STATEMENTS AHEAD!

Have you noticed the "If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention" bumper stickers? Well, I honestly can’t understand why I can’t pop my head out the window at any time of the day or night to hear flat-out screaming for the impeachment of George W., or (at the least) the takeover of the house and senate this November by non-Republicans.

I haven’t the time or the space to go into the details about injustices which have been readily accessible to all humans willing to stray a bit from the inaccuracies that consistently emanate from the Fox News, Anne Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, etc. websites. Lately, though, I've started to feel as though the administration is personally insulting my intelligence. From the AP:

Bush said the Geneva Convention's ban was "very vague" and required clarification. "What does that mean, 'outrages upon human dignity?' That's a statement that is wide open to interpretation."

I’ll spare you any stupid remarks that statement is begging for, and just say this: Your President, a grown adult, is fighting for the United States’ right to torture whomever it feels like torturing, based on the tiniest shred of "evidence" (hearsay from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, for example). There are studies that show that information extracted under duress is not generally reliable. If, for example, I wired your nipples up to a car battery and asked you to confess that you're Donald Rumsfeld's love child, what would you most likely say? This (torture, and the mindset of those who want to torture), people, is WRONG. Exhibit B, from the White House website last week:

Q Thank you, Mr. President. Earlier this week, you told a group of journalists that you thought the idea of sending special forces to Pakistan to hunt down bin Laden was a strategy that would not work.
THE PRESIDENT: Yes.
Q Now, recently you've also --
THE PRESIDENT: Because, first of all, Pakistan is a sovereign nation.
Q Well, recently you've also described bin Laden as a sort of modern day Hitler or Mussolini. And I'm wondering why, if you can explain why you think it's a bad idea to send more resources to hunt down bin Laden, wherever he is?
THE PRESIDENT: We are, Richard. Thank you. Thanks for asking the question. They were asking me about somebody's report, well, special forces here -- Pakistan -- if he is in Pakistan, as this person thought he might be, who is asking the question -- Pakistan is a sovereign nation. In order for us to send thousands of troops into a sovereign nation, we've got to be invited by the government of Pakistan.

Do I even need to explain to anyone what is WRONG with that statement?

If you are a resident of Illinois, it behooves you to write to Senators Dick Durbin (http://durbin.senate.gov/contact.cfm) and Barack Obama (http://obama.senate.gov/contact/) and tell them how you, as constituents, feel about the excesses and abuses of power perpetrated by the Bush Administration. No matter how pissed off you feel about the current regime (or how happy you might feel about the prospect of legalized torture, even—I won’t ask) you need to contact these people by e-mail, U.S. Mail, or telephone because NO ONE—not Michael Moore, not Jon Stewart, not Ben from True Majority, not Al Franken--- is speaking for or can speak for YOU.

I won’t tell anyone what to write, although I will suggest this: Tell them that no matter what comprimises are reached with the GOP and the President during the remainder of this administration, you do not want language installed that will grant immunity from prosecution to anyone involved in abuses of power and authority in the past.

2006-05-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

"Lookee my new pickup truck...!"

...is what I could be saying next month, if I'm guessing correctly at my wife's birthday plans for me. Shhh! Don't let her know that I'm on to her surprise...

This, friends, is a Terex I Unit Rig MT 5500. The seriousness of the name alone should be enough to send your average jacked-up 4X4 scampering away to Off Road Warehouse for some serious parts upgrades. Most people wouldn't consider me a pickup truck type, but I have to admit that they'd occasionally be useful for hauling brush and trips to Menard's.

With a 720,000 pound capacity, there isn't much that this puppy won't haul--including a parted-out Boeing 747-400, should the need arise. It also features "tailgate protection to protect the operator in the event of a truck collision," although I wouldn't expect any real damage to occur from a collision with anything less than another Terex I Unit Rig MT 5500. I also wouldn't suspect one would even notice that they'd been involved in a collision with a tractor-trailer, M1 Abrams, the local Wal-Mart, or any other less substantial object.

And the engine? Oooh, the engine!

It's a Cummins QSK60 16 cylinder, 4 stroke diesel with two-stage turbocharging. Its 3,672 cubic inches pump out 2,700 brake horsepower and 8000 foot-pounds of torque at a loafy 1500 RPM. Sure, someone will try to one-up me by shoehorning the 3,500 HP QSK78 into theirs, but I'm not getting this truck out of any sense of one-upmanship. No sir/ma'am: Escalades and Excursions are nice, but would you really want to shovel grass and rocks into one? This truck is a necessity. The fact that it's a two-seater seems to be its only limitation. Call me if you need to borrow it!

2006-05-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

Someone has a birthday coming up...

This would make a great present for someone (shipping guaranteed by June 28th):

According to the Wicked Lasers website, this little puppy can:

-Make holes in black trash bags.
-Cut black electrical tape.
-Ignite wooden or paper matches.
-Pop dark colored balloons.
-Melt plastic.
-Light cigars and cigarettes.
-It also has something called "Open-cut healing power" (??)

All this, a 120 nautical mile range, and a six month warranty, could be mine for only $3,499.

No sir/ma'am, this isn't your basic laser pointer. It could probably be used as a pointer, particularly if one has a need to point through someone who happens to be blocking the board.

I'll be offering free laser eye surgery and electrolysis for anyone who helps me get my mitts on one. I promise to use it only for good; not for evil. If the Fox News satellite happened to spontaneously vaporize one night at the same moment I light up a smoke on the deck, I'm sure it would be purely coincidental.

2006-05-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

Illinois Compiled Statutes lesson...

Most who know me are probably aware that a huge pet peeve of mine is the inconsideration of drivers shown towards others on the road. My wife would testify that I've been guilty of this in the past, myself; however, riding a motorcycle has instilled in my an almost Zen-like calm. Knowing that a bike won't win in a vehicular fight, coupled with the anticipation that people are bound to do stupid things in vehicles, has defitely made me a calmer, safer rider and driver.

I'll admit to a slightly unsafe attitude towards speeding. I'm not a racer-boy, dicing through city streets on the back wheel, but I do use the speed cushion of my bike as part of a (and I'm sure this is arguable) self-preservation technique. Zipping past trucks on the interstate minimizes my exposure to blown retreads; zipping past everyone else minimizes my exposure to the average cel phone-talking, Big Mac-stuffing, inattentive driver. I've been chided by a coworker for signaling a turn into a parking spot in a lot; you can bet that I (at least) always let those around me know my intentions.

Habits that are certain to piss me off, and that I chock up to the me-first mentality are (but are not limited to) the following: people who don't signal (or don't signal correctly); people who don't turn into the nearest legal lane after proceeding through an intersection; people who block traffic in the left lane; and people who drive with their lights off in the rain. The Illinois Compiled Statutes covers each of these infractions:

Turn signals. "A signal of intention to turn right or left when required must be given continuously during not less than the last 100 feet traveled by the vehicle before turning within a business or residence district, and such signal must be given continuously during not less than the last 200 feet traveled by the vehicle before turning outside a business or residence district. No person may stop or suddenly decrease the speed of a vehicle without first giving an appropriate signal in the manner provided in this Chapter to the driver of any vehicle immediately to the rear when there is opportunity to give such a signal." Also, from the "Rules Of The Road," "When moving your vehicle from the right-hand lane to the left-hand lane, turn your head to check traffic behind you and on your left. Give the left turn signal, then carefully move into the left lane. When moving your vehicle from the left-hand lane to the right-hand lane, turn your head to check traffic behind you and on your right. Give the right turn signal, then carefully move into the right lane.

Turning into the nearest legal lane. "The driver of a vehicle intending to turn left at any intersection shall approach the intersection in the extreme left‑hand lane lawfully available to traffic moving in the direction of travel of such vehicle, and after entering the intersection, the left turn shall be made so as to leave the intersection in a lane lawfully available to traffic moving in such direction upon the roadway being entered. Whenever practicable the left turn shall be made in that portion of the intersection to the left of the center of the intersection."

Blocking the right lane on an interstate. "Upon an Interstate highway or fully access controlled freeway, a vehicle may not be driven in the left lane, except when overtaking and passing another vehicle." This does not apply "when no other vehicle is directly behind the vehicle in the left lane."

Headlight use during periods of precipitation. "All other motor vehicles (except motorcycles) shall exhibit at least 2 lighted head lamps, with at least one on each side of the front of the vehicle, which satisfy United States Department of Transportation requirements, showing white lights, including that emitted by high intensity discharge (HID) lamps, or lights of a yellow or amber tint, during the period from sunset to sunrise, at times when rain, snow, fog, or other atmospheric conditions require the use of windshield wipers, and at any other times when, due to insufficient light or unfavorable atmospheric conditions, persons and vehicles on the highway are not clearly discernible at a distance of 1000 feet. Parking lamps may be used in addition to but not in lieu of such head lamps." I don't care if you can see the roadway in the rain. When your rooster tail blends in with heavy precipitation, it concerns me.

Let's be considerate out there, o.k.? And please--keep an eye out for motorcyclists.

2006-05-14T16:03:00.000-07:00

Food is good.

All this blogging about ice cream and being a fat kid is making me hungry. On second thought, I guess it's possible that I was hungry when I wrote about ice cream and being a fat kid. At any rate, I know that my wife worries about my eating habits when I'm on these Oklahoma journeys. I thought I'd detail for her and your reading enjoyment exactly what provisions I have left to last me through Tuesday. Uncle Sam (that is, you, the taxpayer) provides me with a healthy sum of money for per diem on these visits, but the less I spend (the more crap food I eat), the more I have to spend on good food and booze back home.

1 small can of Chef Boyardee Spaghetto-O's (tonight's dinner)
1 can of Campbell's Select Chicken with Egg Noodles (tomorrow's lunch)
1 can of Campbell's Select Italian Wedding (Tuesday's lunch)
1 can of Campbell's Chunky Chicken Corn Chowder (tomorrow's dinner)
1 can of Campbell's Hearty Bean and Ham (Tuesday's dinner)
4 Dole Peaches and Cream cups (one each for M/T lunch and dinner)
1 pound of peeled baby-cut carrots
Marzetti's Bacon Ranch dressing (for above carrots)
half a box of Post Great Grains cereal (Wednesday's breakfast--can't fly at 6:30am
on an empty stomach)
1/2 bag of Dorito's Nacho Cheese chips
1/2 bag of Dorito's Taco chips
1/2 gallon of 2% milk
1/2 gallon of Simply Lemonade
1/2 pint Häagen-Dazs® strawberry ice cream

Et voila! Bon appetit!

2006-05-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

Fat kids need to fight dirtier...

From HealthDay News:

"Overweight kids who could benefit from sports and regular exercise are often discouraged from doing so by taunts and bullying, a U.S. study finds.
(snip)
"We found that as rates of peer victimization among overweight kids went up, rates of physical activity went down," lead author Eric Storch, assistant professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the University of Florida, Gainesville, said in a prepared statement.
(snip)
Not only does bullying make overweight children want to avoid gym class, sports or other situations where they face ridicule, it also can lead to depressed feelings that keep these children from wanting to take part in activities.

"When you think about it, it makes intuitive sense, when you consider the hallmark signs of depression -- sadness, fatigue, lack of interest in things you used to like," Storch noted. "When kids are having a tough time with peers, and struggling with depression, then this can translate to reduced rates of physical activity."

Really? I thought bullying was what made kids dress in black, bring weapons to school, and grow up to be Republicans. Seriously, as a former fat kid, I can't recall being taunted and beaten for looking different when I was in school. There was certainly no distinction made by a P.E. coach between fatties and athletic types when it came to "dressing out," although there may have been a hint of the prison-esque, pick-a-fight-with-the-biggest-guy-in-the-joint mentality present. In the good old '80s, all a fat, uncoordinated kid had to do to win peer respect was to flail about using all arms and legs on whatever upperclassman was unfortunate enough to have picked a fight. To borrow a term from Erik The Viking, being known as a "berserker" may not have won one many friends, but it certainly didn't win many enemies. Pulling sock caps over faces to precede a punch, smashing faces of people on lower levels of the gym bleachers (thus forcing the smashee to calculate the risks of fighting back vs. the risk of tumbling thirty feet to the gym floor) are both effective fighting tactics to be employed by today's modern fat (sorry--is that not PC? Caloric Intake Abatement Challenged? Gland-induced Appetite Insatiable?) kid. These tactics are best utilized if one puts down the PSP from the one hand and discards the Krispy Kreme and/or Big Gulp that one is slopping on from the other.

Ah...High School Sports Memories.

2006-05-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

Shameless plug...

What do you get when you combine cream, strawberries, sugar, skim milk, and egg yolks? If you're in the majority of supermarket ice cream providers, you end up with a good "base" from which to create strawberry ice cream. If you're Häagen-Dazs®, on the other hand, you end up with...well, Häagen-Dazs® strawberry ice cream. One could argue that it's missing a tasty white rum, whipped cream, and a hot summer's day pool to enjoy it by, but it's pretty delicious as is.

If you look on the back of a Häagen-Dazs® pint container, you won't find ingredients listed such as mono- and diglycerides, polysorbate-60, acetone, rattus norvegicus, or any other chemical, fusion reactor byproduct, or circus animal derivative not normally associated with ice cream or its enjoyment. If there is a drawback to Häagen-Dazs®, it's that it does seem quite a bit more expensive per unit than other supermarket brands. I would assume it to be more costly to boil a hoof down to a diglyceride than to get another squirt of pre-cream from a cow's teat, but what do I know?

Do I believe that I'm shortening my lifespan by occasionally partaking of this wholesome, natural treat? Nah. At the very least, by eating these natural ice creams (I'd include Ben & Jerry's in this short list if I liked their flavors) I, and you, will make those in the funeral industry earn their exhorbitant fees by forcing them to actually use the expensive chemicals they claim to use during the preservation process. Years ago, I read that due to the inclusion of preservatives into just about every packaged food that we buy, the average body can sit in the sun for 30 days or so before decomposition sets in (I could be wrong on that figure; whatever, it's considerably longer today than it was in the 1940's). A not insignificant side benefit of eating more organic ice creams will be the lessening of our dependence on petrochemical byproducts, leading to a reduction in our dependence on foreign oil.

(Geez...how did my happy ice-creamed filled thoughts turn so negative, so quickly?)

Just remember to eat plenty of real butter, as many organically-grown and fattened foods as you can afford, and lots of Häagen-Dazs® ice cream!

2006-04-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Know your enemy: Random notes from Anne Coulter lovers...

Anne Coulter has a new book titled, Godless: The Church of Liberalism. The following are from a couple of raving loonies posting on the Amazon.com discussion group for the book:

"Yes and in the Democratic party one distinguishes oneself by, killing babies, spitting on soldiers, burning American flags and embracing such fine individuals as Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro. I'm glad that there are people like yourself J.E. Bishop who fell (sic) obligated at a moments notice not only to judge others of different beliefs but to insult them as well. You could really help yourself if you bothered for a second to learn something about the party you so vehemently oppose instead of watching George Clooney movies and jumping on the bandwagon.

The same person rambles on in another post, after complaining how others had taken his comments out of context (although the above paragraph was an entire post):
"I guess I've got a chip on my shoulder, you would too if every time you went to the movies you had to see some dumb conservative redneck beating up a gay guy or yelling racial slurs, while the wise all-knowing liberal comes to the rescue."

Wow. He's hit the nail right on the head, there. Who isn't tired of seeing a goddamned liberal interfering with a redneck asshole's right to commit hate crimes in a movie theater?

Then there's this guy, who in one sentence says, "...I really dont (sic) think that you can argue that "ungodly" people are "godly" people when you put in gay rights. The Bible is black and white clear on gods (sic) views on gay activites (sic)," then goes on to say that "The brillance of our founding fathers is that they did not make it a law that you had to follow a certain religon (sic) to be a citizen or a member of the United States goverment (sic). They left it up to (sic) people's choice similar to what God does (sic) you have a choice to follow and believe or not." What's missing and implied from the end, I think, is "as long as you follow the beliefs of my religion."

Aside from the obvious, which is that each of these morons would fail 7th grade English comp, does anyone else see a problem here?

(EDIT)

Folks, you might start to notice (if that's possible, given my highly irregular posting) that I might start using terms harsher than "raving loony" and "moron" to describe, well--raving loonies and morons. I'm not a math whiz, but through personal discussions and media research I've added 2 and 2 and found this answer: Republican = Conservative = Fundamentalist, when it comes down to a vote. Sure, I believe that there are "fiscal Republicans"; those who think that the current administration will provide legislation that will best keep them (or help them become) wealthy. I also know that there are a large group of people who watch Fox News exclusively, and still believe that our glorious leader led us into Iraq due to her ties to 9/11 and WMD stockpiles. Ballots, however, aren't divided into issues. A vote for the prolonging of tax breaks for the wealthy is a vote to give the "religious" right a stronger foothold into your day-to-day existence. The fundamentalist agenda is the veil that keeps the goals of the RNC shielded from view. The issues are shown to be hard, honest work and the right to die of an undetected cancer, secure in the knowledge that God or George W. hisself is going to make you $$RICH$$ one day vs. free health care. The right to beat up "gays" (for the Bible tells them so) vs. the right of all Americans to be safe from persecution according to their lifestyle or beliefs. The right to use our military for corporate trough-lining vs. the assumption in every service member's mind that the U.S. government would never send them to die for anything less than the safety and security of the people they care about.

A year and a half ago, it was 51-49 THEM. I strongly urge everyone to write their representatives, get involved in local politics--do whatever you can to help take our country back from these backwards, murderous, racist, greedy people.

2006-03-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

The Crime(s) of the Century...

The nice gentleman from the OKCPD just left my room, taking my crack pipe with him.

That's the short version of the story. The long version:
I've been staying at Extended Stay America (West Reno Ave.) in Oklahoma City for the past nine days. As I was packing tonight for my flight home tomorrow, I found two things: 1) My CD case (containing 80 CDs) and CD player were missing; and 2) There was a crack pipe underneath a dresser drawer I removed in the search for my CDs. I called OKCPD just to ask if they wanted to do anything about it; they said they would send someone over. An officer arrived and took down the information and took the pipe, then we had a short discussion about where (vents, underneath drawers, inside toilets) and how often (very) paraphernalia is found in hotel rooms. He offered that had I not called the police and instead reported the theft to the hotel, if they found the crack pipe it could be said to have been in my possession. He said, "Of course, we'd run your info, look at your priors, see if there were any drug offenses (there aren't, incidentally)--so you wouldn't necessarily be looking at a warrant when you returned to Oklahoma City."

What's strange about the theft is that last Saturday morning, when I'm fairly certain the pilferage took place, my laptop was left untouched in the room. What's even stranger is that a handful of laundry quarters that I left in the nightstand drawer were stolen, too.

Most strange, though, is that I'm really too tired at the moment to get too worked up over this. I'm going to wait to contact the Hotel Commissioner (inside joke) tomorrow.

2006-03-28T21:12:00.000-08:00

It's not much, but it's a start...

Scott McClellan said in today's White House press briefing that "The President has surrounded himself with very smart and capable people. He has had a good team that has helped him accomplish many great things for the American people, particularly during a time of war." I would've suggested a rephrasing from "for the" to "for a very select few," but the focus of the briefing was on White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card's upcoming departure.

Senator Durbin suggested that the wrong man was leaving the administration, and many Republicans and Democrats alike seem to be scratching their heads, wondering what signal--if intended as a signal--this personnel change means, exactly. A man with nearly unanimous praise behind him is being replaced with a man whose only job skill consists of running up a deficit that this generation's grandchildren's grandchildren won't be able to dig their way out of.

For myself, the obvious question that no one is asking is: Is there anyone in the White House with brains enough to ask for a signed non-disclosure agreement from Mr. Card before he exits? It might be very interesting to hear what he has to say on the interview circuit.

2006-03-27T22:06:00.000-08:00

It's Your Daily Funnies in convenient textual format! Today's topics: "Consensual gay sex...bigamy, incest, and adultery..."

No, this isn't some recently uncovered report on the last Republican National Convention. The tip-off should've been that "kicking downed protesters in the back" wasn't included. No, the above was cut from today's White House Press Briefing, which (on a normal day) has to be some of the most humorous and revealing political information that one can find. You can find it at www.whitehouse.gov/news/briefings/. I've found that it's made more enjoyable to imagine "Tea For Two" playing while reading Scott McClellan's responses to questions from the White House press pool.

A few selected snippets (italics and emphases mine):

The New York Times reported today that in the weeks before the United States-led invasion of Iraq, "as the United States and Britain pressed for a second United Nations resolution condemning Iraq, President Bush's public ultimatum to Saddam Hussein was blunt: Disarm or face war. But behind closed doors, the president was certain that war was inevitable. During a private two-hour meeting in the Oval Office on Jan. 31, 2003, he made clear to Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain that he was determined to invade Iraq without the second resolution, or even if international arms inspectors failed to find unconventional weapons, said a confidential memo about the meeting written by Mr. Blair's top foreign policy adviser and reviewed by The New York Times. "Our diplomatic strategy had to be arranged around the military planning," David Manning, Mr. Blair's chief foreign policy adviser at the time, wrote in the memo that summarized the discussion between Mr. Bush, Mr. Blair and six of their top aides."
(snip)
"Without much elaboration, the memo also says the president raised three possible ways of provoking a confrontation. Since they were first reported last month, neither the White House nor the British government has discussed them. "The U.S. was thinking of flying U2 reconnaissance aircraft with fighter cover over Iraq, painted in U.N. colours," the memo says, attributing the idea to Mr. Bush. "If Saddam fired on them, he would be in breach." It also described the president as saying, "The U.S. might be able to bring out a defector who could give a public presentation about Saddam's W.M.D," referring to weapons of mass destruction. A brief clause in the memo refers to a third possibility, mentioned by Mr. Bush, a proposal to assassinate Saddam Hussein. The memo does not indicate how Mr. Blair responded to the idea.
Despite his optimism, Mr. Bush said he was aware that "there were uncertainties and risks," the memo says, and it goes on, "As far as destroying the oil wells were concerned, the U.S. was well equipped to repair them quickly, although this would be easier in the south of Iraq than in the north."

What? Could this true? Let's see how Mr. McClellan confirms or denies the contents of this memo:

Q: Is this memo correct?
MR. McCLELLAN: I don't -- I haven't seen that memo, Helen.
Q: You haven't seen The New York Times' memo?
MR. McCLELLAN: I've seen The New York Times.
Q: Well, let me just follow on that. There's nothing in there that suggests that this is not an accurate reflection of a conversation that the President had with Prime Minister Blair, right?
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I think that our public and private comments are fully consistent.
Q: And therefore the guts of this appears to be accurate?
MR. McCLELLAN: I don't know what you're talking about "guts" of. Let's be specific in what we're talking about.
Q: Well, comments made about the inevitability of war, the President's feeling about that at one --
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, the President was making numerous public comments at the time, David. You covered those comments. The use of force was a last option, but we recognized that it was necessary --
Q: It was his mind frame, though.
MR. McCLELLAN: -- to prepare and plan, and that's what we were doing at the time. And if you go and look at the public comments at the time, going back to late in the fall and winter period of 2002, on into 2003, we were making it very clear what the regime needed to do. And if it didn't do it, we were prepared to enforce the Security Council Resolution 1441, which called for serious consequences.
Q: It didn't call for going to war.

Mercifully, someone shifts the topic to illegal immigration:

Q: Scott, on the President's temporary guest worker program, in 2005, Mexican President Vicente Fox said, "Mexicans take jobs not even black people want to do." And today, Secretary -- HUD Secretary Alphonso Jackson elaborated on the comment saying, "We did not like what Vicente Fox said, but it has merits to it -- many of the jobs that Mexicans take coming across the border are the jobs that blacks, whites and Asians don't want." Last year when Vicente Fox made his statement, the administration backed away from it, denounced it and everything. Is the administration embracing that comment now, in light of the Cancun meeting?
MR. McCLELLAN: April, I haven't seen what Secretary Jackson said. And we did speak to that issue at the time, I believe, as you just pointed out. What we're doing is as we go into the discussions in Cancun, we'll be talking about the importance of all of us meeting our responsibilities when it comes to addressing immigration issues -- and that means border security, as well. All of us have responsibilities to secure our borders and to address these issues. And the President has a good relationship with President Fox. He looks forward to talking with him about this issue, among others.
Q: Those comments specifically?
MR. McCLELLAN: I'm sorry?
Q: Those comments --
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I think we addressed that at the time, April.
Q: No, but will the President -- because there's a cloud over it now. The administration distanced itself from it, and here you have an African American department head embracing it.
MR. McCLELLAN: I haven't seen what he said today.
Q: Well, I have the statements if you would like to hear them.
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, you can share that with me, and I'll take a look at it later.

Back to Iraq:

Q: Scott, on Iraq, the Manning Memo also alleges that in this private meeting, the President told Prime Minister Blair that one option was to assassinate Saddam Hussein. Did the President really contemplate that as an option since it would be breaking U.S. law?
MR. McCLELLAN: Ed, this was a meeting that took place back in January of 2003. Even if I knew exactly what was said in that meeting, I wouldn't get into discussing private conversations between world leaders like this. Again, I reiterate to you, the comments that we were making publicly and privately are fully consistent with one another.
Q: Is the President concerned that the explosion today in Tal Afar -- that's one of the places he highlighted last week where things were turning around, there were bright spots, some of the good news --
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, you're asking me to make some sort of attack near Tal Afar --
Q: Yes, it's at least 30 people dead, 30 more wounded outside a recruitment center.
MR. McCLELLAN: I don't have all the facts surrounding that. I would also encourage you to -- if such an attack did take place there, look at what the motivations are. We know that the terrorists try to grab headlines, and that they target progress to try to gain attention and to try derail the transition to democracy. But I can't speak to this specific incident that just took place today. I don't know all the facts regarding that. I think that's best to direct to our military forces in Iraq. Go ahead.

DID THE PRESIDENT SAY THOSE THINGS ATTRIBUTED IN THE MEMO TO HIM, OR NOT, FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD??

Q: Scott, had the President decided on the 31st of January to go to war with Iraq regardless of whether there was a second U.N. resolution, and regardless of whether weapons of mass destruction were found?
MR. McCLELLAN: We were preparing in case it was going to be necessary, but we were continuing to pursue a diplomatic solution in that 2003 time period. And all the -- there was a lot of public comments made at the time, leading up to the decision to go in and use force, and remember, even 48 hours before we began Operation Iraqi Freedom, Saddam Hussein and his sons were given one final opportunity to leave the country and avoid serious consequences.
Q: So would you dispute what's in this memo, which says that, in fact, that decision had been made by January the 31st, and say that the President had not decided to go to war?
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I think I was asked that earlier, and I think I addressed that when I just said we were continuing to pursue a diplomatic course. You can go back and look at all the public comments at the time. The President made numerous public comments. You can look at other officials in the administration and what we were saying, but Saddam Hussein -- that's why I pointed back to -- remember, there's a December report, or interim report by the weapons inspector, the United Nations weapons inspector, and it showed that the regime was not coming clean. We said that they were continuing their pattern of non-cooperation at the time. And we also made it very clear that war was the last option, but if the regime was not going to come clean, then we were prepared to move forward and use force.
Q: Did the President talk about several ways to provoke a confrontation with Iraq?
MR. McCLELLAN: I think I addressed that question when Ed asked his question. Go ahead.

Ummm...so what's the timeline for a war with Iran?

Q: Scott, a two-part. I'd be very grateful if you could give us a clarification of the President's statement in Cleveland, "I made it clear, I'll make it clear again, that we will use military might to protect our ally, Israel." And my question: This does not mean that we will withhold such military might until after Israel is nuclear-bombed, does it?
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, Les, I think that if you're bringing up the issue relating to Iran and its pursuit of nuclear weapons, we are pursuing a diplomatic solution to that matter. I think you're jumping way ahead of things at this point --
Q: No, the clarification -- we will protect Israel, we won't wait until after they're bombed.
MR. McCLELLAN: I don't think there's anything to clarify. The President has made that very clear before. They are a great friend and good ally, and the President --
Q: So it will be before they are bombed.
MR. McCLELLAN: -- has publicly expressed that view before.

Finally: The Naughty Bits.

Q: Two months before the U.S. Supreme Court ruled 6 to 3 in the case of Lawrence vs. Texas, laws against sodomy are unconstitutional, Senator Rick Santorum told the AP, if the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual gay sex in your home, then you have the right to bigamy, incest, and adultery, you have the right to anything. And my question: Does the President disagree with this Republican Senator and will he ask the Justice Department to oppose the pro-polygamy lawsuit, Bronson vs. Swenson, or not?
MR. McCLELLAN: Les, you might want to check with the Justice Department on what involvement they may have in any particular case. I don't know about --
Q: I want to know what the President -- does he agree with Santorum?
MR. McCLELLAN: I think you've heard the President's views.

(Following these exchanges are about two pages of immigration reform discussion that I'll attempt to make sense of tomorrow. I'm tired. Happy reading! Remember: All is well.)

2006-03-27T21:57:00.000-08:00

Rumsfeld to United States: "We are all in danger of failing as Good Germans."

O.K.; Rumsfeld didn't say that exactly. What he did say was, "If I were grading, I would say we probably deserve a 'D' or 'D+' as a country as to how well we're doing in the battle of ideas that's taking place in the world today." CNN reported that it was also suggested that reporters "get out and see what's going on." Word that White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan suggested that Helen Thomas "go first" could not be verified. With 80+ journalists killed or missing in Iraq since 2003, one probably shouldn't really be blamed for not wanting to get too close to "what's going on."

Apparently, the Western press is failing to report on the many significant, positive changes in the Middle East thatwe've instigated since beginning the War On Terror. For example, if the Taliban were still in control in Afghanistan, Abdul Rahman would have been executed on the spot for possession of a Bible; under the new regime, he was simply indicted for a death penalty offense, stirring the country up in a frenzy of Christian blood lust. Ah, progress!

Today, from the AP: "Abdul Rahman must be killed. Islam demands it," said senior Cleric Faiez Mohammed, from the nearby northern city of Kunduz. "The Christian foreigners occupying Afghanistan are attacking our religion." Several Muslim clerics have threatened to incite Afghans to kill Rahman if he is freed, saying that he is clearly guilty of apostasy and deserves to die.

Larry King and Paula Zahn, incidentally, both receive 'A's for the week due to their ignoring the non-tabloid-worthy news of Bush's most likely impending censure and written, official notes outlining his 7th grade social studies-level schemes designed to lead us into Iraq if, as was suspected, no non-conventional weapons were found there. Instead, both choose to devote the majority of their respective programs' alloted time to the Matthew Winkler killing, which occurred last Wednesday. It's true that some important questions were raised on the air:
"Have the kids visited mommy in jail?"
"Will the kids get to attend daddy's funeral?"
"Was Mary Winkler a victim of post-partum depression?"
"Can we expect to see more white-on-white crime, or was this just another isolated incident?"
Mr. Winkler is apparently the second caucasian (following Imette St. Guillen's murder in Manhatten) since Natalee Holloway's disappearance to become a victim of a violent crime. It's wonderful that at least two respected journalists in the liberal, anti-Bush, left-wing media--so used to falsely reporting daily setbacks in Iraq-- have to courage to commit to truly newsworthy stories, such as this murder where the confessed killer is in custody awaiting trial.

Satire aside, I feel for these victims and their families--make no mistake about that. I do doubt that, except in the case of Ms. Holloway's mother, neither of these victim's families are begging for the media spotlight that these crimes have inexplicably illuminated. Any of these crime stories are definitely local news, but nothing more.

2006-03-05T16:24:00.000-08:00

Corrections:

1) The United States invaded Iraq because of Iraq's direct and substantiated connections to the events of September 11, 2001.
2) Iraq is not on the verge of civil war.
3) Overall, despite the loss of nearly 2,300 U.S. military men and women, and civilians numbering in the ten thousands, the war on Iraq is going rather well.

Note to the DoD Public Affairs Office: My last name is slightly misspelled on this month's check: It should be an "o," not an "a." Thanks!

Story at http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060303/ts_nm/iraq_usa_newspapers_dc.

2006-03-05T15:57:00.000-08:00

Legislation for sale...

From the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) website:
"Through more than 2,000 meetings with members of Congress - at home and in Washington - AIPAC activists help pass more than 100 pro-Israel legislative initiatives a year. From procuring nearly $3 billion in aid critical to Israel's security, to funding joint U.S.-Israeli efforts to build a defense against unconventional weapons, AIPAC members are involved in the most crucial issues facing Israel."

Also, on their Current Agenda: "Standing By Israel to Ensure the Security of the Only Democracy in the Middle East."
Maybe they can strike that one out, now that the elections in Iraq and Palestine are over...

According to the Federal Elections Commission:
A domestic subsidiary of a foreign corporation may not establish a federal political action committee (PAC) to make federal contributions if:
The foreign parent corporation finances the PAC's establishment, administration, or solicitation costs; or
Individual foreign nationals:
Participate in the operation of the PAC;
Serve as officers of the PAC;
Participated in the selection of persons who operate the PAC; or
Make decisions regarding PAC contributions or expenditure.

I'm not attempting to state that AIPAC's activities are illegal, and this is probably oversimplified, but what, though, is prohibiting American-Palestinians from establishing an American-Palestinian PAC; American-Iranians from establishing an American-Iranian PAC, etc.?? What, given the nature of even our most conscientious lawmakers, would prohibit them from accepting contributions from such an organization devoted to furthering the goals of it's respective country?

Special note to sensitive types: My opinions expressed here should not be construed as being anti-Semitic, even though anyone who attempts to argue the legality of a PAC devoted to Israel will most likely be labeled as such.

My personal opinion is that PACs, in general, should draw ire and suspicion from any average citizen. That any of these people can march into your congressman's or senator's office with check in hand and command an audience should at least shake what little trust you might have in your elected official's desire to do what's asked for by his or her constituents.

2006-03-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

No comment necessary, really:

From the AP: "President Bush praised Pakistan’s fight against terrorism as unfaltering..." -snip- “We’re not going to back down in the face of these killers,” Bush said two days after a suicide car-bombing killed an American diplomat in the southern city of Karachi. “We’ll fight this war and we will win this war together.”

2006-02-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

Please stop eating the paste, Mr. Attorney General...

This little exchange occurred last week, during hearings meant to determine whether or not our President lawfully authorized wiretaps as part of a "domestic spying" program. I know that Mr. Gonzales misspoke, but I still find it very humorous.

By the way, a quick check of the record shows that no President that the AG mentioned was responsible for complying with an act (public law) that was passed in 1978.

GRASSLEY: I think that as the American public hears examples of how Democrat presidents and Republican presidents alike have done similar things, they may begin to see this program in a different light, particularly in regard to the president's over 225 years' use of the exercise of the power of commander in chief.

GONZALES: I gave in my opening statement, Senator, examples where President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance of the enemy on a far broader scale -- far broader -- without any kind of probable cause standard, all communications in and out of the country.

So, basically, we can all give thanks that the following conflicts were ended with great assistance from electronic surveillance: World War II; World War I; The Civil War; and, most importantly, we would not be a nation today were it not for George Washington's use of electronic surveillance to end The Revolutionary War. Why has the left wing conspiracy kept this from the history books?

For the record, I'm all for the elimination of actual terrorist threats to America--or to any country, for that matter. What stinks about this "domestic spying" mess is that it seems to be yet another example of the current administration's total disregard for legal process. What they need to learn is that they still need to follow certain rules and laws, regardless of the fact that they control the House and Senate.

2006-02-08T18:52:00.000-08:00

And the GRAMMY® for Mutual Media Masturbation goes to....

Wow! Paul McCartney! U2! Paul McCartney, and...U2! I'm sorry, but I thought U2 were cool about 400 years ago when they were angry and Bono didn't have a God Complex about single-handedly saving the world. Sir Paul, we love you, and we'll still love you in a few months when you turn 64, but is all the hype really justified? I'll be honest, I've heard most of McCartney's new album and not much of any U2 album since The Joshua Tree and can't say that I'm too impressed with any of it. In my humble opinion, the simple fact is that the hint of a new album from U2, Paul McCartney, Aerosmith (who's playing onstage, for some reason, at the moment) and other very talented but musically-irrelevant groups and individuals mean big $$$$$ to the recording industry. The fact that the little Rolling Stone GRAMMY® guidebook did not include such categories as Best Rock Instrumental and Best Spoken Word albums should inform you as to where the media's and the industry's hearts are at. Clark Kent's girlfriend (whose real name I can't remember, but she's on Desperate Housewives now) is presenting an award? She has what, exactly, tie to the music business?
To anyone who was nominated but didn't receive an award, I say, congratulations--your record sales may not increase when compared to those of a winner, but you can rest assured that your musical integrity, especially from the perspective of your fans, is probably intact.

2006-02-08T18:34:00.000-08:00

Proposed Oklahama anti-war protest ban...

I was watching the local Oklahoma City news this morning when it was mentioned that the OK legislature is considering banning anti-war activists from protesting at the funerals for Oklahoma military personnel killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. Footage of a small group of protesters across the street from a funeral home where services were being held was shown, and the newscaster said over the footage that the ban was intended to keep "scenes like this one from occurring again."

My first thought was, "O.K., this is a red state...," but a few milliseconds later I understood what the legislature is trying to accomplish. I've been known to stand on a few streetcorners in protest myself, but these are FUNERALS, people! My first thought, on losing someone I loved and cared about to war--unjustified or not--would probably not be, "Hmm, how can I join (insert name of local anti-war group here)?"

Show a little decorum, folks. And lest you become blinded by visions of marching a war widow or mother of a fallen military person up the White House steps, think about how well that's worked for Cindy Sheehan. No one in the Bush administration cares about their loss.

2005-11-11T00:57:00.000-08:00

New AP poll: 60% of Americans are wrong about Bush, and God probably doesn't like them much, either.

"Almost six in 10 — 57 percent — said they do not think the Bush administration has high ethical standards and the same portion says President Bush is not honest, an AP-Ipsos poll found. Just over four in 10 say the administration has high ethical standards and that Bush is honest."

God, God, God, weapons of mass destruction, God, founding fathers, God, imminent danger, God, God, bring it on, God, faith, 9-11, God, Iraq, Al Queda, God, pro-life, etc., etc...

"Whites, Southerners and evangelicals were most likely to believe Bush is honest."

2005-11-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

I'm negligent and I screwed something up--now where's my tax credit?

From today’s Wall Street Journal: "Businesses are lobbying to strip language from a Senate tax bill that would bar deductions for punitive damages and parts of government settlements."

A letter to Senator Charles Grassley, the Finance Committee Chairman, from several organizations (the American Gas Institute, American Petroleum Institute, Edison Electric Institute, and the U.S. Oil and Gas Association among them) outlined a few "costs" which would no longer be tax-deductible if the Jumpstart Our Business Strength (JOBS) Act passes:

Royalty settlements.

Farm costs incurred to comply with food safety and pollution control directives.

Costs incurred to address recommendations by OSHA.

Automobile manufacturer costs associated with safety recalls.

Costs incurred by food establishments made at the recommendation of health inspectors.

Aircraft maintenance and upgrades resulting from FAA safety inquiries.

Am I oversimplifying things, or do most of the above appear to be normal business costs due to governmental regulations and oversight? If I built a car with exploding gas tanks, I wouldn’t expect to be able to deduct the costs to replace the tanks. I guess I’m just not thinking like Big Business.

State code says that I need to have two functional headlights on my car. Because they're required by governmental regulation and not personal choice, maybe I can deduct the cost of the bulb the next time one blows up. And why can't I deduct the cost of my fuel and time the next time I go to the DMV to renew my license? After all, I don't need the license--the government does.

Waaaah. Shut up and pay your taxes, like the people who work for you do.

2005-11-10T15:19:00.000-08:00

Pat Robertson reinstitutes Old Testament law, speaks for God, etc...

After Dover, PA voters removed their school board members for trying to introduce "intelligent design" into the curriculum, Pat Robertson had this to say:

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city," Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, "The 700 Club." "And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because he might not be there," he said.

Number 1: Isn't one thing Christians are taught that God will help anyone in their time of need, regardless of their Naughty Record?
Number 2: I learned about evolution when I went to school. I learned about "intelligent design" when I went to church. I don't find that there's an inner conflict, or that I'm any less moral as a person because I learned about both. Hmm...I think I know why that is--because I didn't pay too much attention to either! I believe in carbon-14 dating, electron microscopes, dinosaurs, and God, whom I learned about on my own. Spirituality is not trademarked by conservative Christians.
Number 3: When did this vengeful, Old Testament God reappear? If God really wanted to take out people who wrong him, even in this inconsequential way, well...who'd be left alive? Maybe Pat has a copy of God's own sentencing guidlines. Apparently not all sins are equal.
Number 4: What would Jesus say to this asshole? Oops--is it a sin to call Pat Robertson an asshole?

2005-11-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

France.

I happened to catch a glimpse of Fox News this morning and found the morning crew discussing the current riot situation. The guy on the right--the one who always looks as though he's been backed into a corner one too many times by high school punks--said that he considers the riots to be "terrorism." I'd like to know whether he felt the same way about the rioting in Cincinnati, or L.A., or the civil rights/disobedience acts of the '50s and '60s, etc. (imagine that for a second--a white Republican Fox News broadcast in the 1960s). Could it be that he considers it terrorism because...the rioters are Muslim? If Al Queda is down to throwing rocks and bottles, then we're probably close to winning the "War On Terror."

Unrelated, except for the location of the subject matter, is the fact that I'm tired of France-bashing. Andy Rooney, Bill O'Reilly, and the mindless Bush-bots that have "Boycott France" bumper stickers need a reality check. France is not the problem. One problem that France doesn't have is a growing discontentment among her people, who are demanding an answer to the question of why over 2,000 of their citizens have been killed in Iraq. There are thousands upon thousands of French war dead in cemetaries throughout France and elsewhere in Europe. The stereotypical surrendering Frenchman problem wasn't with the soldiers, it was with the leadership--which, if nothing else, is something that we have in common. To penalize France for demanding more evidence of the existence of weapons of mass destruction--evidence which has yet to appear--is ludicrous. I'm sure that Billy Bob's decision to not purchase a nice Bordeaux to enjoy with his supper is really hurting the French.

2005-11-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

Sanitized, for your viewing comfort...

The polished aircraft cargo deck and neatly draped flags make these scenes seem a bit sterile or plastic, but for some odd reason to me this intensifies rather than lessens the impact of what's being displayed. It certainly seems more real to me than a body count clicker, and much more depressing.

2005-11-09T21:26:00.000-08:00

Petroleum product price-gouging is funny...

The head of the Federal Trade Commission said a federal price-gouging law "likely will do more harm than good."

"While no consumers like price increases, in fact, price increases lower demand and help make the shortage shorter-lived than it otherwise would have been," FTC Chairman Deborah Platt Majoras told the hearing.

"That's an astounding theory of consumer protection," replied Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore.

Also...

Chevron's O'Reilly attributed the high energy prices to tight supplies even before the hurricanes struck. He said his company is "investing aggressively in the development of new energy supplies."

Note that he said "new energy supplies," not "new energy sources" or "alternative fuels."

2005-11-07T22:08:00.000-08:00

Name that Hippie...

I love this snippet from a book that I started to re-read today:

"We have a condition now which is called "a national emergency." Though the legislators and politicians may rant at will, though the newspaper tribe may rave and spread hysteria, though the military clique may bluster, threaten, and clamp down on everything which is not to their liking, the private citizen, for whom and by whom the war is being fought, is supposed to hold his tongue....
I believe with John Stuart Mill that "a state which dwarfs its men, in order that they may be more docile instruments in its hands even for beneficial purposes, will find that with small men no great thing can really be accomplished." I would rather my opinions and appraisals be proved wrong--by the emergence of a new and vital spirit. If it takes a calamity such as war to awaken and transform us, well and good, so be it. Let us see now if the unemployed will be put to work and the poor properly clothed, housed and fed; let us see if the rich will be stripped of their booty and made to endure the privations and sufferings of the ordinary citizen; let us see if all the workers of America, regardless of class, ability or usefulness, can be persuaded to accept a common wage; let us see if the people can voice their wishes in direct fashion, without the intercession, the distortion, and the bungling of politicians; let us see if we can create a real democracy in place of the fake one we have been finally roused to defend; let us see if we can be fair and just to our own kind, to say nothing of the enemy whom we shall doubtless conquer over."

The words are Henry Miller's, in his preface to "The Air-Conditioned Nightmare," circa 1940 or '41. Although history may have proved Mr. Miller's pre-WWII sentiments a bit off the mark, I don't think this section of the preface is a bad thing to ponder today.

2005-11-07T22:03:00.000-08:00

WARNING: THIS VEHICLE SHOULD NOT BE DRIVEN BY A LUNATIC...

I think it's very interesting--and a little disturbing--that Jeep felt the need to include the following disclaimer on the latest commercial for the Jeep Commander, which shows a family sightseeing beneath the sea from the safety of their SUV: Fictionalization. Vehicle not suitable for underwater use.

2005-10-31T12:15:00.000-08:00

Tired of scandals, Bush to allow special Presidential election...

I can't believe the quote I've found--check this out while I check my sources:

"Americans are tired of investigations and scandal, and the best way to get rid of them is to elect a new president who will bring a new administration, who will restore honor and dignity to the White House."

Oh, crap...actually, it was Governor George W. Bush who said the above, and he said it in September of 2000 while on the campaign trail. Lucky for him--it was only a campaign promise.

2005-09-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

Higher standards...

Re: The Kate Moss 'caine scandal (really? A 42-pound supermodel...snorting coke?):

In the latest blow to (Kate) Moss's once glittering career, the British cosmetics group Rimmel earlier joined fashion retailers Burberry and H and M as well as French fashion house Chanel in deciding to review or scrap contracts with her.

I guess someone's lucky that 50% of the voters in this country are of lesser moral character than those in Chanel's public relations department...

2005-09-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

Relevance, redefined...

NASA has offered to put a man on the moon...at a cost of $104 billion, and claims to be able to do it by the year 2018. Apparently, there's an entire generation or two who've never experienced the thrill of seeing man walk on the moon. These future "astronauts" can expect to find a lot of rocks, and...um...traces of the missions that were sent there over thirty freakin' years ago. The Crayon-tinted graphics that were shown on the news channels yesterday looked like they wouldn't have seemed out of place when JFK announced the first-generation moon ventures. The two scientists shown discussing the upcoming missions were sitting on a set that appeared to be made up of items pulled from a high school science competition. Granted, our moon rock supply was probably exhausted years ago, but is this really necessary? If I were a Sony product developer, could I expect to keep my six-figure salary by announcing a product that looked and functioned suspiciously like an old Atari game console (I'm digging for an analogy--I don't think any sort of game console existed 36 years ago).

Burt Rutan (SpaceShip One) could probably do this for $37.50, and he'd have you bouncing around on the moon in two weeks' time.

2005-09-20T06:14:00.000-07:00

Why? Why? Why?

Why are there thunderstorms in L.A. at the moment? Is it because I didn't bring a jacket? Is it because I want to fly home today? I lived in Southern California from 1987-1994, and remember hearing thunder only once during that time.

2005-09-02T12:46:00.000-07:00

I should mention that my motorcycle, which I mentioned earlier, averaged 41MPG for a 100-mile trip yesterday. This includes some city miles, as well as a 90MPH average on the interstate. With gas prices where they are at the moment, the bike's just a bit more frugal than the 25MPG car was last week. Still...
If anyone's interested in getting on a bike for the first time, for fuel economy and/or FUN reasons, just let me know.

2005-08-25T22:41:00.000-07:00

Stock tip for the day (emphases--sp?--are mine):
ExxonMobil announces second quarter 2005 earnings:
Exxon Mobil Corporation (NYSE:XOM) today reported record second quarter results. Earnings excluding special items of $7,840 million ($1.23 per share) increased $2,050 million from the second quarter of 2004. Second quarter net income included a special charge of $200 million for the Allapattah lawsuit provision. Including this charge, net income of $7,640 million ($1.20 per share) increased by $1,850 million. Record first half net income of $15,500 million ($2.42 per share) increased by 38% versus the first half of 2004.

No shit? How did they make all that money, considering, um…that refinery that blew up, that tanker that rolled over on I-74, the war in Iraq, it rained last Monday and Bob didn’t make it to work, etc., etc…

And now, a snippet from a feature about gasoline pricing posted on the ExxonMobil website:
As a country, we need to advance policies and initiatives that support the underlying economic fundamentals that lead to a balanced marketplace. This includes support for access to areas that will allow the U.S. to increase domestic crude production, and focused efforts to reduce the complexities and limitations that are creeping into our refinery and logistics systems due to the proliferation of specialty fuels.

In other words: Get these campers out of the way; We're closing Mount Rushmore 'cause we need to jam a drill straight through Lincoln’s right eyeball. People are always happy to whine about gas prices and the destruction of the environment, but no one’s out there lobbying congress to put an end to the high costs that poor ExxonMobil has to pay to produce a few gallons of low-sulfur diesel that some hippie in Texas (What? Someone in TEXAS is making ExxonMobil produce low-emission fuel??) says they gotta produce…

You're concerned about gas prices? Try "walking a mile" in an ExxonMobil executive's shoes some time.

2005-08-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

Los perros Uruguayas...
I have never seen so many little doggies roaming free as I have here in Uruguay. I'm not much of a dog person, but I think it's amazing how the strays here interact when two or more are together. Example: Two dogs are standing on a curb five feet away from each other. One dog is silently watching the other with his head cocked as if listening; the other is barking perfectly metered "bark-bark-bark-bark"s for a least a minute. All of the dogs look well, and they all seem to have a purpose. When I see them walking by the side of the road during my rides home from work, I have the feeling that they're heading home from "work," too.
It's amazing that I haven't seen a dead one in the road, considering how they like to walk along the road and act as if they feel that cars should get out of the way for them. I felt sorry for a dog who crossed in front of us yesterday because he was keeping his weight off his left rear leg as though he'd been hit. I looked in the mirror after we passed, and he was walking on all fours (a doggie sympathy trick?).

2005-08-25T02:32:00.000-07:00

Misunderstood TV preachers...
(from the Associated Press)
On Monday's telecast of his Christian Broadcasting Network show "The 700 Club," Robertson had said: "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."
He continued: "We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."
On Wednesday, he initially denied having called for Chavez to be killed and said The Associated Press had misinterpreted his remarks.
"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out,'" Robertson said on his show. "'Take him out' could be a number of things including kidnapping."
He later issued the apology on his Web site.

Well...praise the lord, and put down that sniper rifle. He did apologize, after all.
Please, anyone--volunteer to go on local television or radio and explain how one or another government official, police officer, math teacher, T-ball coach, or girl-who-wouldn't-go-to-the-prom-with-you needs to be "taken out." Explain to the men in nice suits how you were merely suggesting that you'd like to accompany the subject for a fine meal at the local Bonanza. Apology accepted!

2005-08-25T02:19:00.000-07:00

Cars vs. Motorcycles vs. Pickup Trucks: A Lesson In Vehicular Physics.
I like motorcycles. I used to like cars, but now I like bikes. Y’wanna know why I like bikes instead of cars? It’s a simple something called power-to-weight ratio. I mention this because bikes seem to be frequently and dramatically threatened at stoplights by revving sounds emanating from below the hood of a car or pickup truck.
It's easy to determine a vehicle's power to weight ratio: Take a vehicle’s weight, and divide it by its horsepower. Even folks with the "piss on (manufacturer of rival vehicle)" stickers on their rear windows should be able to figure this out.
Let’s say that one vehicle weighs 10,000 pounds and its engine generates 1,000 horsepower. Its power to weight ratio is 1:10,or 10.0 pounds per horsepower. Next, assume that a second vehicle weighs 5,000 pounds and its engine also provides 1,000 horsepower (HP). The second vehicle’s power/weight ration is 1:5, or 5.0 pounds per horsepower. The power/weight ratio of the second vehicle is twice as good as that of the first vehicle. Generally speaking, the lower the power/weight ratio, the better the acceleration. Some forgotten formula including force, mass, and acceleration explains this better than I can right now.
I have a general-purpose/sport-touring-type streetbike that weighs 485 pounds full of fuel. When I’m on it, it weighs 695 pounds. Its engine produces (according to reliable tests) 111.2 horsepower at the wheel. 695 divided by 111.2 = 1:6.25, or 6.25 pounds per horsepower (lbs/hp).
A Dodge Ram 1500 SLT 4x4 weighs 4976 pounds and generates 235 horsepower. Each horsepower needs to push 21.17 pounds down the road. You might say, "Well…yes. But you can increase the engine’s horsepower…," which is true, but even if someone is smart enough to double the power of the Ram’s engine to 470HP and keep it street legal, it will still end up with a power/weight ratio 66% higher than my bike. Even the Dodge Ram SRT10, a 500HP/5150lb monster, has a power to weight ratio of over 10 pounds per horsepower.
A Subaru WRX Sti weighs 3298 pounds and has a 300 horsepower engine. Again, the power/weight ratio is over 10 lbs/hp.
Well, I’m boring the hell out of myself with these numbers, and straying from getting to the point I’m trying to make, which is IF YOU OWN A STOCK (or even moderately modified) CAR OR TRUCK, DON’T RACE A SPORTBIKE! YOU’LL ONLY LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN YOU LOSE. Well, less of an idiot than any sportbike rider appears to be when he races a pickup truck. Don’t ask me to explain the psychology behind the reason why I can’t let cars and trucks beat me at red lights—I just can’t…

2005-08-25T02:18:00.000-07:00

Uruguayan Diary: Day One.
Day One was very uneventful. The entire workday seemed to go smoothly. The one thing that I learned is that toilet bowls in the Southern Hemisphere don’t necessarily flush in the opposite direction (Counterclockwise? Who notices these things?) than those in the North; the one in my hotel room flushes straight down. The handles are routed through the wall, which seems like it would make replacement fairly expensive…

Uruguayan Diary: Day Two.
Day Two began with a lost and clueless cab driver, and ended with a 190kph wind/rainstorm.
I was met at my hotel at 8:15am for a 7:30am pickup. Not a horrible wait, but wait—the 15-minute cab ride to work took 1:15. This time period included asking one pedestrian, one gas station attendant, and one passing driver for directions—all of whom the driver found time for in between our passing the correct exit four times. After waiting for the arrival of work-related parts for six hours (I shipped them, for $800, exactly one week ago), I was finally able to make some progress at work. The weather rapidly turned nasty during the ride home, and ended with the above mentioned winds (plus a bit of hail) that slowly swayed my 25-story hotel back and forth (I’m on the 23rd floor). This made me mildly curious about Uruguayan building codes, and I imagined what I would think if I were back in Illinois, reading a news headline about the collapse of a 25-story hotel in Uruguay and of the handful of Americans that died in the rubble. Along with the sudden realization that one of those people could be me was the comforting (but unscientific) thought that because I’m aware of the situation, it couldn’t happen to me. I had the same feeling once while flying a Caribbean airline to Guyana via Barbados and Trinidad. I do think that a lot of Americans (myself included) become desensitized to horrible things that happen around the world, and rate news of these things only a passing glance unless Americans were involved. When disasters happened in the past and Americans were involved, I sometimes thought, "What the hell were Americans doing there/flying on that airline/etc., anyway?" It’s a sad and embarrassing thing to admit to this lack of compassion, but writing the Government of Umpty-Squat Aviation Commissioner certainly isn’t going to stop airline disasters in Umpty-Squat. One thing that’s very obvious to anyone that’s traveled abroad is that other countries are going to do whatever they want or need to do, and no crazy foreigner is going to change that.
I did enjoy a chivito from "Chivitos Marcos." A chivito is a massive sandwich that contains Philly cheesesteak-like steak, ham, chopped eggs, bacon, hollandaise-like sauce, olives, tomatoes, lettuce, hot peppers, etc. My left hand was 90% covered in sauce by the time I was finished. My coworker said that I had to do as he did, which was to wait until the sandwich was completely finished before wiping your hands and mouth. I think that should be a new eating rule, but the next time you eat something messy, think about how difficult it would be to keep yourself from wiping any stray food item from your face or hands.

Uruguayan Diary: Day Three.
This day certainly started out as the worst day of all. It was arranged that I’d be picked up at the hotel at 7:30am (why won’t I learn?). At 7:30, I hit the lobby doors to find gray skies, a 50F temperature and moderate winds that seem to come from every direction, making it impossible to hide around corners, behind building columns, etc. I wait, and wait, and wait until 8:15, when I decided that I stood a better chance at not freezing to death by waiting in the lobby with my view adjusted so that I can see the cars pulling up to the curb. At 9:30 the car arrived, and this is when I (honestly) decided to stop believing people when they say that I’ll be picked up at 7:30.
The drive to work revealed that the damage from the winds is probably in the millions. A car somehow burst out of a third floor window of an unoccupied building (which didn’t look like a parking garage inside) and ended up straddling a fence ten feet in the air, for one bizarre example of the property damage. After several detours around downed trees in the roads, we arrived at work to find that half of a breezeway roof was destroyed, and there was no electricity. No electricity=no work for this job, so my company’s agent was called to come and assess the situation. A gas generator was found and connected, but the voltage varied from 190 to 120 volts, which won’t keep 110VAC equipment running, and certainly wouldn’t be good for digital electronics if it could.
Off to lunch we went, while the agent called to arrange for the delivery of a rental generator at 3:00pm. Lunch was good, consisting mostly of meat, meat, and more meat—lamb, chicken, sausage, beef, tripe, and what looked like a fried brain. I didn’t ask what the fried brain was, but the agent said that, "We like to eat of lot of sweetbreads—intestines…" I winced, and he continued, "It’s an acquired taste." The "brain" was gobbled up, as was the tripe—but neither was so much as sniffed at by me. "Picky American," you might say, but I’ll counter with this: I’ve had tripe, and I think it has no flavor and has the consistency of gristle. I call the third strike against it because of what it was previously used for by the animal that owned it. This gastronomical strikeout would be better suited for a truth or dare game than a serious meal.
The rest of the day was cold and patience-trying. Not only did I have to use a generator instead of a wall outlet (a first for me in five and one-half years), the generator couldn’t power the lights or the heat, so I worked a few hours in the dark until I suggested that it was time for everyone to go. After freezing all day, then running out of cigarettes, I really wanted to get back to the hotel, buy smokes, then run to the warmth of my room, but I had to wait 45 minutes while everyone in the car was dropped off first.
My mood was lifted a bit at the supermercado, where I bought a liter of pear juice, a 100g chocolate bar, and two packs of Marlboros for about five bucks. No dinner tonight (not even the candy bar) as I’m holding out for breakfast. I was told I’d be picked up at 8:30am tomorrow, which means that I’ll probably have time for lunch, as well.

2005-08-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

Why Me-First?
The answer is simply…complex. I think I was quite irritated at the moment I first decided on the name. I thought of the people who’ll cut you off to be the first ones seated at (insert name for popular chain restaurant here) for lunch; people who need to have the fattest, most economically- and environmentally-unsound vehicles that they can’t afford, and drive them with no regard for other people on the road; people who’ll blindly follow dogma to ensure their reward in heaven while showing little to no regard for anyone living here on earth; people who only want what’s mine-mine-mine and the rest of the world can stuff it and get out of my way—etc., etc.. Here are two examples of the Me First spirit that I’ve seen firsthand. See if you can come up with examples of your own!
Example A: A U.S. Navy pilot and a Boeing engineer were in a bar in Seattle discussing a Greenpeace member's earlier attempt to douse a naval officer in paint. The engineer was very anti-nuke, and stated this. A fairly heated argument began, and the pilot eventually asked what the engineer did at Boeing. He replied, "I work on the B-2 (stealth bomber)." I consider this to be worthy of a "Me First" because even though this guy was anti-nuclear everything, he was helping to develop a nuclear weapons delivery aircraft. Even if a B-2 never drops a nuclear (or "nucular"--Thank you Mr. President!) weapon, does a person in the engineer’s position find that he’s set values for acceptable and unacceptable body counts which he will/won’t contribute to; i.e., "I’ll gladly kill 500 people at a wedding reception with a Mother Of All Bomb(s), but dropping a nuke is where I draw the line?" He gets a "Me First" because he wanted that $100K/year government-subsidized (and don’t get me started on Boeing…) job, and to hell with his conscience. He wanted to work for Greenpeace, but gee, Greenpeace wouldn’t pay anywhere near what Boeing offered him. If you want to make weapons; fine, make weapons. If you want to be a shoplifter; be a shoplifter—but don’t rant to me about shoplifters while you fondle a pack of swiped Pokemon cards in your pocket.
Example B: Standing in a 14-mile-long queue for an airline check-in counter in Johannesburg, a businessman-type jumped in front of an older Englishman and myself. When the Englishman expressed his disappointment by growling, "Excuse me, sunshine…" the businessman looked offended and asked, "Well…would you stand at the back of that line?" Now was my turn to growl, and I said,"HOW DO YOU THINK WE GOT TO THIS POINT?" Maybe I’m just turning into an old fart, but whatever happened to m-a-n-n-e-r-s? Is it still in the dictionary? Maybe more parents should start teaching their kids about them, rather than letting them wean themselves away from functionality by playing video games while stuffing themselves full of greasy (yum!) goodness.
Geez…what a rant. What I meant to get around to saying is that this blog shouldn’t and isn’t going to be all negativity, all the time. I do have other interests besides hoping and praying that karma is a true thing, and like to think of myself as a fairly positive optimistic person. Unfortunately, this won't disqualify your license plate from appearing on this blog if I see you driving like a moron…